Our Mission

 

Our Editor in Chief, Pam “The Ma’am” Kleb

EDITORS STATEMENT OF MISSION

Here at the newly minted Brightbelt News organization, our mission is to assemble a staff of nominal (i.e., one-time paid) conservative journalists and media analysts to present the undiscovered progressive narrative our generally untutored audience should be learning more about. In so doing we intend to deliver a knockout punch to the right-wing fake news outlets that are incompetently attempting to convince Republicans that a four-year anomaly is somehow more authentic than the party’s 30+ year record of seeking the issue positions that are best for the future of the entire planet. That archaic throwback party is over. Time to wake up and smell the 21st century latte, as it were. You’ll see.

Signed,

Our Championship Staff Editors:

Nicole “Pegboard” Walrus, Virtue-Signalling Editor (and MNBC Mole)

Dana “The Smiler” Pirrana, Bipartisanship Editor (and XOFF News Mole)

Alysyn “Red Light” Camera, Lie Checking Editor (and CNNT Mole)

Chris “The Mole” Walrus (No relation -- to “Pegboard” that is), Honorary Son-of-Mike Editor

David “Read’em All” Books, Intellectualization Editor (and NYeT Mole)

Jenniphar “Never Mind” Reuben, Fact-Check Editor (and WAYPO mole)

Megan “Daddy’s Favorite” Makane, LGBTQ editor (and Mole at The Phew)

Megan “Legs” Kelley, Celebrity/Entertainment/Fashion/Media Editor

Liz “The Gray Panther” Chainey, Never Trumph Editor (and House Congressional Mole)

Mitt “The Rhino” Romulan, Hate Trumph Editor (and Senate Mole)

Peggy “The Gray Cougar” Noon, Obama Editor

Barbara “DeathStar” Busch, Seniors Editor

W “The Kompassionate One” Busch, Foreign Apologistics Editor

Jeb “The Next One” Busch, Hispanic Panderistics Editor