The Nicole Walrus Corner

Nicolle Walrus posts at Brightbelt as often as her busy schedule permits.

A Sudden Bright Spot on the Horizon

Our excellent colleague Joe Scabrough, known for his loyalty to the historic principles of the Republican Party all the way back to Busch 41, has a well earned reputation for being measured, thoughtful, highly intelligent, and an innovator on television-worthy policy issues. His show today featured a bolt-out-of-the-blue solution for a problem that has only recently come to public attention.

What problem? Progressive psychologists and other well qualified observers have begun to detect the possibility that some neurological disorder is presently hampering the President’s efficiency and even efficacy. 

As Scabrough put it, “Smart a man as he still unquestionably is, the President of late seems slower to the microphone than he’s been in the past and slightly less deft in his retorts to reporters and filthy GOP critics. Why the time is so propitious for an organic remedy that can’t possibly interfere with the daily COVID vaccine boosters it’s incumbent on the Commander-in-Chief to receive.”

The “organic remedy” Joe referenced was developed by one of the most senior scientists at the joint CDC/WHO Laboratory in New Castle, Delaware, Dr. Erwin Corey

.

Corey at his New Castle Office, where he lives and works.

Dr. Corey has developed and tested what he calls the Ultimate Senior Smoothie. To date it has been 100 percent effective in treating ‘symptoms of slow’ in mice, rats, dogs, pigs, and horses. (Cats not so much apparently.) Human trials have been equally effective on lawyers, investment bankers, and politicians. The best feature of the miracle smoothie cure is that it can be mixed at home in an ordinary blender. The ingredients are as follows:

One (1) Klondike Bar

Two (2) raw eggs

Two (2) tsp tobasco sauce

Three (3) jiggers of Jack Daniels

One Half (1/2) pound of fried bacon

One (1) whole peeled (and pitted) avocado

Three (3) tbsp used coffee grounds

One (1) anchovy

Four (4) ounces cherry soda

Four (4) units of cigarette tobacco emptied from papers

One (1) live mouse

One (1) fluid ounce of Pepto Bismol

These contents are to be blended at high speed for a full minute then decanted into a tall glass and consumed in no more than three gulps. At room temperature. This is key. The daily dose should be taken first thing each morning until symptoms abate.

It’s that simple. Dr. Corey himself swears by it. What easier way could there be to shut up the right-wing conspirators trying to make up lies about the mental capabilities of the President.

Thank you, Joe, for your dedicated and meticulous research, and best wishes to our Commander in Chief from all of us here at Brightbelt News.

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BACKGROUND NOTE on Nicole Walrus’s CV:

Busch administration responsibilities as laughably mischaracterized by a crazed right-wing blogger using fake names in 2005:

“Nicolle Wallace (née Devenish). Has anybody even heard of this babe? She's 33. She's a graduate of the University of California at Berkeley. [There’s a GOP credential for you.] She's also the White House Communications Director. Her sole responsibility is to advance the president's agenda in the press and protect him from partisan assaults. [Which she does none of.] Is it possible that her schooling so accustomed her to the treasonous and hateful rhetoric of the left that it doesn't even raise her blood pressure? "Never you mind, Mr. President. When you meet them for wine and cheese in the faculty lounge, they're really pussycats. Just let them talk." Or is she too busy preening in the mirror of her corner office -- sexy power player already and only 33!! Actually, it doesn't matter what the story is with Nicolle. She's a bimbo, and she needs to be fired. With prejudice. NOW.”